we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
