I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
this hospital has no fireball
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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