The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
