Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
