They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
