He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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