That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
