is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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