theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
