direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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