she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
