I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
