Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to calm my uterus...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize