I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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