You made me cry and you don't even care
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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