I must be too annoying 4 u.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
