glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
