you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
