What a fucking waste of an outfit
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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