I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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