barbara walters just said penis...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
