I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
