Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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