I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
