I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
