Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
