I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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