My first STD was from a foam party
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
