apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
