Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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