I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
