i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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