literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
