but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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