This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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