my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
