Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
