New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
