I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
