The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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