If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
