3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
