My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
