ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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