i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
