I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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