I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
