Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
