your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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