I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
