I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
