Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
