Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
