Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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