I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
