We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
