I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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