You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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