is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
