I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize