Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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