jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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