just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
