Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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